Conflict And Peace You, Roles And Relating To Others

Conflict And Peace:

5 Questions to Ask Yourself For Freedom Around a Challenging Relationship

Inside our varied and beautiful human forms, we can take on many roles. In other words, we can assign functions and responsibilities to ourselves, based on the title that we give each part — we think we need to, have to, or want to play in life. Before we look at the huge differences between needing to, having to, and wanting to — let’s explore what roles are, and how that impacts how you relate to yourself and others. Understanding this tells us a lot about conflict and peace as we relate to the world around us.

What is a role?

A role is a set of characteristics, functions, and perspectives we assign to a label used to describe a social, cultural, spiritual, organizational, or familial activity.

So, inside families, the roles of mom, dad, sister, or brother might come to mind — along with opinions about what each of those roles or ways-of-being should look and feel like. Inside business organizations, the labels of boss, CEO, coworker, technician, janitor, or whatever label you’ve used for yourself … might also come to mind. When we think about cultural and social roles, we might think about friends, teachers, ministers, cab drivers, a U.S. President, politicians, Santa Claus, world leaders, or the roles of philanthropists, angel investors, mentors, entrepreneurs, farm-to-table chefs, designers, actors, musicians and so much more.

Inside spiritual roles, we might think of Great Spirit, soul archetypes, angels, spirit guides, young souls, old souls, nonphysical ancestors and helpers, Buddha, God or Source … you get the idea. There are an infinite number of ways to describe different roles inside the personal reality that we each choose to live inside.

And whatever word you happen to use to describe yourself, you have opinions about that too. The labels we use come with expectations, and we’ll explore that in a deeper way in a future post or video. For now, I’m inviting you to see the infinite ways we can use to describe ourselves and others and why that matters.

So if the labels we use come with expectations, what do you think happens when those expectations aren’t met? If you said something like disappointment, conflict, anger, blame, or frustration, you’re onto something. Conflict almost always comes from the unmet expectations that we place on others. Within those expectations are assumptions that are often unspoken. Inside those unspoken assumptions are opinions about how others “should” behave, again based on an opinion, and sometimes we’re not always aware of where that opinion came from, or if it’s actually helpful to us given our current values and desires.

And if we see ourselves or others only through the functions we think they should perform, or we should perform … we miss the essence of who we are, as individuals. We start to see each other in narrow boxes, valuing self, and others based on what someone does (for us). We expect them to act a certain way, based on the way we’ve defined their role. So, we see each other as functions, rather than glorious souls who came to play in the sandbox of time and space together. Yes, play. Yes, together.

What are you starting to see?

We are not the roles we play. And our value is not determined by what we do, or how much we do it. I understand how it might feel that value is related to contribution, especially if you’re immersed inside the world of always doing. But, we are so much more than a list of functions.

We are the ones choosing the experience. And we get to choose all of it, including how we see ourselves and others. We are the choosers, the storytellers, the multidimensional beings, the lovers, the unique thinkers, the seers of beauty, the uplifters, and eternally evolving souls in a human body. The more we relate to ourselves as a spiritual being choosing, focusing, and playing in the sandbox of time and space … the more we can let people be who they are, with genuine peace and appreciation.

Why?

As we stop seeing ourselves as human doers, or the roles we have to play, and instead embrace the experience of human beings … our way of relating to the world expands dramatically.

As a being, the expectations associated with the functional role falls away. You can relate and talk to others without the expectations that they should somehow be different. Curiosity returns and so does the ability to see others beyond the labels and functions we assign to them.

And here’s the funny think about roles, be they mom, dad, friend, daughter, president or garbage collector. Everyone has different opinions and expectations about what those roles or functions should look like. Disappointment, frustration, anger and conflict happen when we cease to see one another as a multidimensional beings, as free souls who get to choose. Another’s choice or way-of-being does not deprive us of the experiences we want to have, unless we believe that it does. When we come back to see one another as free choosers and thinkers, beyond the roles, we can have deeply satisfying conversations with one another, without the expectations we may have taken on about a particular role. We get to see them beyond the role we think they should play, or we should play. We get to see one another, and ourselves as the glorious eternal beings that we are.

Here Are 5 Questions for Freedom Around a Challenging Relationship.

Take out a notebook and write down the answers that come to you.

What assumptions do you have about the other person’s role? What do you think they should be doing?
Where do these assumptions or opinions come from?
What do you think your role is inside this relationship? Why?
What could happen if you dropped those expectations and role labels, and saw yourself and the other person as multidimensional beings and free choosers?
How do you want to see this relationship now? What do you really want to create?

You can have anything you desire, and that includes seeing through the eyes of soul, in addition to well-being, peace and fulfilling relationships where everyone is granted the freedom to be who they are. All is well! Elari

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Author

Elari Onawa

Life On Purpose Coach & Author Of Just Believe: How Faith In Yourself Shifts Everything

I’ve been coaching and leading Life On Purpose and Self-Discovery programs since 2003. Prior to that, I led large organizations for 20+ years, helping them align with their dreams and goals. If you’re ready for more purpose and joy, if you want to embrace more of who you are, and create more of what you really want ...I can help you have that!